Are We Paying Attention? Our Kids, Their Phones, and the Dangers They're Facing
The Latest from Marquette, MI by Brian Cabell
THE STATISTICS ARE glaring…and frightening:
American teens spend, on average, almost five hours a day on social media—mostly TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram.
One third of girls 11-15 feel “addicted” to social media.
American teens 12-15 who use social media more than three hours a day face twice the risk of having mental health problems, including depression and anxiety.
Although most social media apps require users to be at least 13 years old, nearly 40% of children 8-12 use social media apps.
Nearly 60% of teen girls say they have been in contact with a stranger on social media in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Nearly 4% of middle and high school girls are now being prescribed anti-depressants—a 95% increase in the last seven years.
22% of high school students in a recent survey said they had seriously considered suicide in the past year—up from 16% in 2011 (proving a striking correlation with social media popularity, though not necessarily causation).
SO, ARE WE paying enough attention to this alarming phenomenon—teens and pre-teens glued to their cell phones hour-after-hour, while their mental health deteriorates, sometimes resulting in suicide attempts?
We talked to two locals with experience and insights about the problem—Dr. Ryan Brang, a family physician with two children of his own, ages 7 and 9…and Todd Poquette, the founder of the 906 Adventure Team, the father of two children, 13 and 20 years old. Their concern is both professional and personal.
FIRST, LET’S ESTABLISH this: Has social media become an addiction for some teens?
Brang: “If we’re going to use the clinical definition of addiction, it certainly has tendencies of that—you’re doing a behavior that doesn’t have inherent value. It’s not helpful.”
Poquette: “Instead of addiction, I’d call it manipulation. It’s clear that the companies that are creating these products and putting them out…they’re doing it for one reason only. Profit. They’re making money. And they’ve learned how to manipulate us, adults and kids. And if we’re harmed in the process, they’re okay with it, because their board of directors and shareholders at the end of the day are only concerned about making money.”
In the early days of social media, many observers praised it because fostered greater communication among friends, family, even among countries. So what happened?
Brang: “When you have the executives of Meta and other social media platforms refusing to allow their kids on it, I think that says something. What we’re seeing is that we’re all more connected virtually, but less connected socially…When Facebook and MySpace first came out, nobody had an addiction to it. You’d check it once in a while. It was a good way to connect with colleagues and old friends. That was great. But what it’s become over the last decade—and the way they’ve built, designed and modified it—it has created what is triggering dopamine centers in the brain that are causing that addictive reaction. Watch anybody: once they start with the device, it’s hard to put it down. And that’s where it goes from ten minutes to an hour.”
Poquette: “I’ve been worried about it since 2018. They began tracking statistics since then and it shows that in 2009 when kids began getting access to phones and social media platforms, that’s where the takeoff began—for anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicide.”
Still, social media is here to stay for at least the immediate future, and it can be beneficial, right?
Poquette: “Everything in moderation. The unfortunate reality is that we adults didn’t grow up with this, so we lack the playbook to teach kids how to use it. They’re going through this experience untethered, not led by anybody with any intelligent experience with it. So they are pioneers. Which is scary.”
Brang: “Technology could be beneficial in a situation when we were unable to get together. During a pandemic, it made sense. But we’re not in one now, and we need to toss out all those old things. Using tools like Zoom or virtual classrooms were necessary because we had no other options. But to say that social media now is adding value, I think, is a stretch. We see solid evidence that it causes harm. We have to let it go.”
What harm? Well, bullying, a loss of self-worth, body-shaming, eating disorders, depression, lack of focus, anxiety, sleeping disorders, to name a few.
The Surgeon General is calling for a warning label on social media platforms, saying that it can cause mental health problems in adolescents. A good idea? Would it make any difference?
Brang: “I think it will definitely bring greater awareness. There are still plenty of people out there who think it is completely harmless. It’ll take a while because it is so engrained…The problem with the technology is that it’s already out there before we have a chance to put up guard rails. Now, we have to figure it out after the fact.”
Clearly, parents need to play a major role in this. Statistics tell us that those kids with weaker relationships with their parents, and less monitoring by their parents use social media much more and have more mental health problems. And far more frequently, they express thoughts of self-harm and suicide. So what should parents be doing?
Poquette: “You need to make sure that your child has a strong connection with you as a parent, and a strong social connection with other people. Those are stronger connections than they’ll ever have with their phone. But as a parent, if you say we can’t have phones in our house, you’re gonna look like a Luddite, you’re gonna be disconnected from reality, you’ll lose credibility with your kids, so you’ll be ineffective. You have to curate a living environment for them where, yes, technology is part of it, and yes, their connection to the real outdoor world is still also part of it. You’re helping them balance constantly.”
Brang: “Mealtime should be screen-free, and bedtime should be screen-free. In my home, it comes down to modeling good behavior, and I have to check myself. It’s part of my job to be on the phone a lot, and my kids have gotten to a point where they recognize it. My daughter says things like, ‘Dad, do you really need to be on the phone right now?’ It annoys me but I love her for it. My daughter is getting to an age where she has friends, they have access and devices, and she’s asking ‘When am I getting mine?’ So we need to have an open and honest conversation about why I think it’s harmful.”
So when should we be giving our children cell phones?
Brang: “I think at this point I would lean towards high school. I don’t think a kid needs a phone until at least 16 or so. At that point, she probably needs it because she has a job, she needs a car to get to work, and she needs to stay in touch with us. It would be hard not to have some kind of device in that situation. And when she gets a phone, it’ll be a flip phone. She’ll be able to call and text, and that’s it. And we know that even texting can be a problem.”
Todd, you recently took the phone away from your 13-year-old son. How’d that happen?
Poquette: “He’s been off the phone for three months now. We could see that that little phone was sucking him into another world, and taking him out of the world around him. It wasn’t even the social media, it was the messaging apps. Those kids will send thousands of messages to each other in the span of a day. It’s a constant distraction. So what was happening was that whenever we called him for dinner or we asked him to take out the dog—anything that was pulling him away from the phone—it was getting contentious. So, I finally just stepped in and said ‘We’re taking a break from this.’ He wasn't surprised, he knew it was coming. His mom said he needed a phone so we could get a hold of him, so the compromise I made was stripping the phone down so it was just a phone. But he got to a point where he had been away from his phone for a couple of weeks, and he said he could feel a change. Those were his words, not mine. Now, he’s three months without a phone, and he doesn't want it back.”
Many schools across the nation are limiting or even forbidding phone use during the school day. A good idea?
Brang: “Schools need to be aware that students aren’t learning if they’re on their screens all day. We’re coming out of a time where screens took over a major role in the education of our kids, and it was necessary at the time, but we have to find a way to get away from that. Schools have a major role in this, whether it’s with limitations or restrictions. But we all have to be on the same page.”
Ryan, I understand you’re concerned about more than just social media. It’s screen use in general for kids—not just their cell phones, but video games, TV, now even homework assignments. Kids are constantly looking at screens.
Brang: “Certainly, social media is the biggest issue here, but light exposed in unnatural ways to the eyes through the optic nerve into the brain has detrimental effects one all of us, and especially kids because their brains are still developing. They need a significant amount of sleep. They should be sleeping much more than they are—8-10 hours a night. But they’re staying up late at night, and they’re getting up early to get to school. That’s detrimental to their education, their emotional growth, and their social adaptation skills.”
Another problem we face. Porn. It’s everywhere and easily accessible to 8, 10, and 12 year olds.
Brang: “It’s absolutely concerning, but you can’t protect your child from everything. We can hover and try to put guard rails on it, restrict viewing access, and never let them out of our sight, which is what we’ve been trying to do these last few decades, but what that can do to kids is make them terrified when they finally go off into the real world. The alternative is to provide them a structured framework that lets them know they’re in a safe place but also gives them authority and ability to build up some resiliency.”
Poquette: “Porn was out there when we were kids. It was just a little harder to get to. The accessibility is concerning, but if a parent is on their game, there are ways to limit the accessibility on these devices. And yes, the kids still might see it, but then we have to be parents and talk to them about it.”
All of this sounds reasonable…to us adults. But how do you get a 13 or 15 year old kid to get up off the couch, put the phone down, go outside, engage in physical activities, and actually meet with friends?
Brang: “Well, that’s a challenge. The goal is to start with them when they are young. If you instill those values early, they don’t ask to be on a screen because they don’t know any better. They’ll still get exposure from their friends and there’s nothing we can do about that, but if they’re just used to being outside, they’ll want to spend their time outside.”
Poquette: “What kids are using the phone for is connection. They’re trying to find connection, or they’re trying to feel like they belong to something. It isn’t that they love social media or they love staring at their phone all day. It’s the feeling of connection. It’s the same thing with our program (906 Adventure Team). It’s not about the bike—I’ve been saying this for years. For the kids who stick with it, it’s about connection and community. In the course of a two-hour ride, especially at the pre-teen level, maybe half the time is biking. The rest of the time is throwing rocks in the water or looking at berries and bugs, talking to friends, picking up frogs—just the feeling that you have a little tribe with you. That’s what the kids are seeking.”
Brang: “That kid that’s isolated out there, the only engagement he has is through his device. Unfortunately, a lot of these kids are lonely right now. We have to break down those walls and get those kids back into the community…And absolutely, there are great organizations out there that are embracing getting kids outside.”
The 906 Adventure Team is certainly one of those organizations. There’s also Start the Cycle. And there’s no shortage of competitive sports teams in Marquette. And if your child is just searching for connection, for something to belong to, for a community—there are children’s theater programs, dance groups, clubs, camps of all sorts.
So, there’s hope, but there’s also a feeling of helplessness—the cell phone and social media aren’t going away anytime soon, and they seem to have many of our kids in a stranglehold. What will these kids be like in 10 or 15 years? What will society be like?
Poquette: “You’re already seeing it. They’re constantly in therapy for anxiety and other mental disorders. The data is out there. They’re gonna be in the hospital for self-harm, and they’re gonna be committing suicide. This is happening right now. And it will continue to ramp up.”
Brang: “No, we’re not on a good path, but I am optimistic that we’re becoming more aware. There’s a lot of good quality education happening, and generally as a society we’re becoming more aware and understanding. This is affecting everything. Everything in our lives comes down to our ability to communicate and engage with each other. As a community, we have to continue building our communication skills. We’ve done it before and we can do it again.”
A POSTSCRIPT: Attorneys General in 45 states and the District of Columbia have sued major tech companies, accusing them of unfairly ensnaring teens and kids on their social media platforms, designing products that are addictive and damaging to kids’ mental health.
The lawsuits will likely play out over the next few years. Maybe they’ll eventually have an impact, maybe not.
In the meantime, the hardest and most meaningful work will have to take place in our homes—in communication between parents and their children.
Letting an insidious, ubiquitous, and ever-changing technology simply take its course, using our children as guinea pigs, while we helplessly stand by, is almost certainly not a good option.
HAIKU OF THE WEEK
Images and words
Flooding, harming our young minds
We stare, hypnotized.
—Anonymous
I've long encouraged people to absolutely minimize any engagement in social media for all the reasons noted above and more. Why would I want to support a surveillance state whose 3-letter agencies have funded and supported these programs which, at their core, are all about data mining, social engineering, and societal control? People need to wake up.
I would highly recommend Peter Gray’s Substack for a wider perspective on these issues. I do agree that social media can be harmful but there are other factors affecting our kids as well: https://open.substack.com/pub/petergray/p/my-response-to-the-surgeon-generals?r=d15x3&utm_medium=ios