A New Gated Neighborhood in Marquette, Motofest Coming This Summer, a New Casino?, Teensy Tiny Apartments, and a Black Eye for Marquette

The Latest from Marquette, MI by Brian Cabell

NEW HOMES COMING to Marquette, but not the kind most of us could afford…Asterd Luxury Homes, a developer from downstate, has announced plans to build a gated, high-end neighborhood development just north of Marquette Mountain…High-end, as in twelve homes, priced between $1.6 and $2.3 million…All of them on three acre lots, between 9000 and 12,000 square feet…”These aren’t homes for regular people,” says developer Abe Asterd. “These are for highly successful people who will be proud to spend their hard-earned money on safe, secure, and beautiful homes in a gorgeous location.”

MOTOFEST ’23…GET ready for it….It’s scheduled for August 13-14 at Hogback Mountain…Four races—1) Kids under 12 years old  2) Teens under 18  3) Women’s Open, and  4) Men’s Open…The Men’s Open features 450 cc dirt bikes that event organizers estimate will reach 70 mph on 16 miles of new trails being cleared on Hogback…Some environmentalists aren’t thrilled with the damage this inaugural event might do… “Don’t worry,” says event organizer Nate Churehater, “there might be a few broken branches and things, but we’ll do our best to clean it up afterwards…And seriously, what’s wrong with a little excitement on that mountain?”

THEY AREN’T SAYING exactly where it might be located, but a Michigan-based group, the Responsible Sportsmen’s Confederation, is making plans to build a casino in Marquette County…120 hotel rooms, a 14,000 square foot casino, two swimming pools (one of them inside), and a 9-hole golf course…How, you might wonder, can a non-Native American group open up a casino in Michigan? Because of a little-known clause in the Michigan Constitution adopted back in 1923…Section 17, subsection 4A states that… “gaming establishments are forbidden in the state, unless operated by Native American tribes or fully accredited nonprofit organizations…” The Responsible Sportsmen’s Confederation, led by Moe Ammeau and Les Wining, is certified as a nonprofit. “We aren’t going to take a penny of profit from this casino,” says Ammeau. “In fact, the money will go straight toward protecting our God-given Second Amendment rights. And in the meantime, Yoopers will have a new way to spend their entertainment dollars.”

THIS SHOULD BE interesting. Marjorie Taylor Greene, the…uhhh…outspoken Republican Congresswoman from Georgia, will be visiting the UP later this month…She’s scheduled to speak at the Gentle Souls Evangelical Church in Skandia on April 31^st…The announced topic: “Why January 6^th Should Be Declared a National Holiday.”…Proceeds from the talk will go to Greene’s re-election campaign and Donald Trump’s legal defense fund.

MORE DEVELOPMENT PLANS…A downstate builder is preparing a controversial proposal for both the Marquette Township and Chocolay Township to construct a 14-story government-subsidized apartment building… “You need housing for poor people, right?” says Bill Demteiny, the CEO of Demteiny Developers. “That’s what I keep hearing from folks up in Marquette. So these will be cozy but attractive apartments for lower-income people.”…112 units are planned…200-aquare foot studios, 280-square-foot one-bedroom apartments, and 360-square-foot two-bedroom apartments…Communal bathrooms, one per floor, to be shared by residents…A security and frisking station at the first floor entrance…No word yet from Township officials on their reaction to the proposed high rise apartment complex. 

NOTHING CERTAIN YET but…a South African mining conglomerate has been conducting test drilling at three locations on Mount Marquette, and officials report that they have discovered significant deposits of polyethyl methacrylate at two of the drill sites…The deposits are 84 feet below the surface…If confirmed, the finds could be significant and highly lucrative…Officials aren’t commenting yet publicly yet except to say that the mines, if approved, would do only “minimal damage” to the mountain.

NOT THE KIND of publicity that Marquette is looking for…The irreverent website worsttownsusa.com has somehow listed Marquette as the third worst place to live in the nation…You gotta question their criteria…Quoting: “…If you like seven months of freeze-your-ass cold, this is the place to live…” About our beaches: “…Yeah, they’re great for six weeks a year when the ice in Lake Superior finally melts. Just be aware that you’ll be sharing your beach towel with a swarm of bloodthirsty barn flies the size of blue jays…” And about our shopping options: “…You can basically buy anything here, as long as it’s snow shovels, plaid shirts, or marijuana…”

So, who beat out Marquette for the first two spots on the worst town list? Number two was Shady Rock, Mississippi (“…home of the ugliest mobile homes and the greasiest, most god-awful Southern food…). Number one was Grizzly Gulch, Alaska (“…If you love rabid bears and pissed-off, drunken gun-owners, we’ve got the perfect ramshackle home for you here…”)

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